i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
