my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
