I CAN MOONWALK!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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