Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
