On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
