oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
