one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
