Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
