But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
