you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
