The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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