worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
