he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
