connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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