I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize