She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
