It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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