We won't sleep together?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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