2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
