forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
