Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
