Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
