accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
