I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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