here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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