Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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