once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
