yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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