when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
