Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
