And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
