I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
