Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
