Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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