my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
