Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
