she was so not down for the gang bang
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
