But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
