time to smoke my breakfast
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
