Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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