if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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