I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
