I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
