then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
