i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
