His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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