My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
