I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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