so that wasnt chicken after all
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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