I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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