I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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