She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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