I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
