there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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