he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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