Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
