I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
