That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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