Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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