I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
