I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
