How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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