the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
