so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
