I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize