I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
