We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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