he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
