I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk is not a location!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
